Jack Bauer is NOT REAL

Dear Justice Scalia

24 is not real. It is action-drama for people who aren’t smart enough to appreciate the nuances of a show like Knight Rider. Using Jack Bauer as a justification for torture and violatingthe Constitution is probably frowned upon by serious jurists.

Wait, it IS frowned upon by serious jurists.

Your interview on the BBC scares the hell out of me. Gitmo is not on US Soil, so the Constitution doesn’t apply? I thought the US has a permanent land-lease of Guantanamo Bay–doesn’t that mean that since it is a US territory, US laws apply? Can you explain to me why it doesn’t?

I think you should retire. Seriously, you’ll get a wonderful federal pension and benefits and I’m sure that Fox will hire to write for 24. Hell, they’d even use you as a legal correspondent. Enjoy your golden years and spare the country your TV-based jurisprudence.


As an aside, when my dad was sworn in testify to the US Supreme Court Bar, my brother got his picture taken with the justices. My mom, who took the picture, said, “tony look over here!” Both Scalia and my brother turned to look at the camera. My dad got a kick out of that.

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3 thoughts on “Jack Bauer is NOT REAL

  1. I thought Jack Bauer was Chuck Norris’s abandoned son! Chuck Norris does not raise his children, he throws them all to the wolves at birth and if they survive to become men (even Chuck Norris’s daughters become men), they will one day come back to kill Chuck Norris. Should one succeed in killing Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris will know that he has done the good work and will live on in that man who will take the name Chuck Norris and grow a beard, kill VC, and vote Republican.

  2. Pingback: Because prefacing something with “so-called” makes it all good. « Giving the world the finger, Cash style

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