Being Sneaky And What I Need to Learn

I have time for one quick post before I have to get to work this morning. Yes, it’s Saturday, but juvenile delinquents are often ordered to comply with Saturday meetings, so they don’t miss any additional school. 

 Anyway, I am not slick nor sneaky.  I can keep a secret just fine, but when it comes to planning fun things, I seem to fail miserably.   I tried to obfuscate the real event by lying, but when you have to clarify dates and times, specific restaurants and you include the phrase, “we got plans on this date,” the gig is up.  This is doubly true in the most recent incident, mostly because she’s a lot smarter than me.    

 To borrow a riff from my consiglari, I need minions.  Sneaky, devious bastards who can help me keep my plans safe.  I will draw up an application form soon.  There is limited advancement here, as minions typically have horrible ends, but the benefits will be fantastic.

 In addition to needing minions, I have discovered that there are few things I need to do (meaning things I need to learn and activities I need to accomplish) before I turn 59.  This is not an arbitrary number.  Most people who read this blog know that I am pretty sure I will die before I am 60**  given my recent family history.  Today I am making a commitment to learn or do the following things before 59.  They are in no particular order:

 How to Dance

Learn enough about wine to be confident ordering and buying it

Travel to Australia (and not crash land on a mysterious island in the Pacific ocean). Fuck that, I’m traveling the world.

Earn a PhD

Become a Deputy Chief Probation Officer

Learn a martial art

Ditch my Condo and have a real goddamn home.

Have a family

March on DC (and possibly get arrested for civil disobedience!)

Get Will to write a book on my Dad

Make the World’s Greatest Mix CD.

Teach a class 

I’ve actually made progress on some of these things.  Others (like the dancing thing) are brand new.  If you think I should do something else, feel free to let me know.

**And that I’m okay with it, AND that my retirement plan has me retiring at age 63 and living to about 80, just in case I’m wrong.

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14 thoughts on “Being Sneaky And What I Need to Learn

  1. I can’t help you accomplish any of these tasks, but I can be a good support. And if anyone should write a book about your dad, it should be Will. Just my opinion.

  2. Says the lady who has been drinking. The one think you cannot help me with his the world’s greatest mix cd. That’d be cheating.

  3. Nonono. You can have minions, sure, but they are NOT the ones who will keep your plans safe. Look at your statements:

    “Sneaky, devious bastards who can help me keep my plans safe.”


    “as minions typically have horrible ends”

    You’ve seen all sorts of movies with minions. They will spill your plans to your enemies just prior to meeting their horrible ends. Minions are for things like fetching coffee and sowing the seeds of chaos.

    What you need are cohorts.

  4. “There is limited advancement here, as minions typically have horrible ends, but the benefits will be fantastic.”

    What are the benefits for being your minion?

    While I’m certainly not applying for the job, I’m curious. I prefer being a cohort.

  5. AG owns minions, never is one.


    AG graduated Amherst.

    That meant she could own minions.

    She is no loser Williams grad.

    Chuckles, feck dancing. AG cannot make people jealous with dancing on her desk.

    Flowers, flowers, flowers!

  6. AG:

    It is not a question of intellectual sex appeal, it is simply taking the “talents” I have to their utmost potential. Most of my life I have heard that I’m smart, so I need to take these “smarts” to their utmost. That means PhD in Social Work–my chosen profession.

    Also, dancing on a desk is a good way of making people jealous.

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