I firmly believe that there are certain things (persons, places, days of the week, certain months) that bring out the worst in us. I’ve met, and discussed, a few of the people who bring out the worst in me. Now I’d like to share with you the place that does the same.
Target.
Originally uploaded by j.reed
I cannot stand Target. This has nothing to do with whatever their policies are on unions, living wages and fairly traded goods. Oh no. I hate target for emotional reasons.
I will do whatever it takes to avoid going to Target. If forced into Target, my senses are overwhelmed with negatives. All I see are crowds. Everyone near me has terrible body odor. All I can here are inane conversations OR shitty muzack. All I feel are people bumping into me or my cart. Target takes variety and low prices and uses it to halve the IQ of fully functional human beings. People will sit and stare at items, in the middle of an aisle. These same shoppers will stare at a wall of items–let’s say deodorant–and will not move to let other shoppers get the items that they have selected. People will walk, without care, into other people.
I won’t even talk about the lines. They’re always fucking packed. Target’s low prices seem to stem from having so few staff.
Today, because Shannon asked nicely, I found myself in Target getting a few house hold items. On five separate occasions, full grown adults who, seduced by low prices, ran into me while pushing their gigantic shopping carts. Not one excuse me. Not one apology. I did manage to get a dirty look out of people who I apologized to when I passed by too close.
That’s when I gave into the masses and stopped caring about who I bumped into with my little hand cart. We all made the decision to suffer in Target, therefore, there is no reason to really apologize.
Target: Greatland is a total misnomer. It is Target: Shopping via Mob Action.
I like Target. Wal-Mart is the worst.
Marty – What you’ve just described is better than the typical grocery shopping experience.
Jack – You’re totally right. Marty thinks the lines at Target are bad. Ha! Wal-Mart has them beat, hands down.
Look, I know Walmart is worse. I cut Wal Mart out of my life like I cut out Soda and vodka from plastic bottles.
As for it being the typical grocery store experience: I have to agree. I should have talked more about how Target makes all the annoying parts of pop culture even more omnipresent.
Target is where complete strangers look at your trenchcoat and then confront you to find out if you’re packing heat.
IT WAS FUCKING COLD, MINIVAN HERO.