Flowers: A Dating Guide Special Issue

Say you meet someone that makes your head swim and your heart race–physical symptoms of overwhelming but positive feelings. Assuming that you are dating* said person, you have to let that person know some, if not all, of what you are feeling. Texts and emails simply do not cut it. You can get away with one or two, but if you’re over the age of twelve, its time to move on to more adult forms of expression. Typically, that means flowers.

I don’t understand why saying, “I really like you” is difficult, but I know it can be. If “like” is too hard to say, I can only image how difficult a L-bomb would be.** This is where gifts come in, specifically flowers. The appropriate use of flowers can help say what you are feeling, even if you’re too chicken-shit to actually say it.

First, when I say flowers, I am not talking about potted plants (even the flowering kind) or decorative grasses. I am taking tulips, lilies, orchids, roses–the pretty ones. I believe that everyone has a favorite flower–and its pretty damn easy to figure that out. You don’t even need to ask about flowers. Said person may just mention (which is a pretty clear hint) what kind of flowers they like or don’t like.

Don’t just send/show up with flowers when you screw up. Flowers are not just for apologizing. Flowers should be used to brighten someone’s day, say thank you or say how much you care. When you screw up, you apologize. Flowers, gifts and other “apology” gifts come second.

Vary the flowers you send. Don’t always send the same bouquet. Roses, as lovely as they are, are cliché. Funeral flowers are never appropriate. Don’t send flowers for the same reason–if you send daisies every time the person you care about has a bad day, you get boring. Always add a card with a message. Take the five damn minutes it takes to come up with something sweet to say. If you don’t know what to say, ask a coworker or a friend.

Here’s an example: Imagine an insanely busy person, who is brilliant, beautiful and generous, takes a friday night off to take care of you when you are sick. Sending said person a card that says “You’re Swell!” is an understatement. That person deserves more than flowers–but flowers will go a long way in saying “Thank you and I appreciate you.”

Flowers make it clear you care about someone. Just don’t over use them or rely on them. Man up and tell that person you care.

*If you are not dating someone, but you really like them, don’t turn into a creepy stalker guy.
**Love. That is directed specifically at AG. Love is a charged, damaging and over used word.

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Dating Guide Table of Contents


All Chapter titles are subject to change.
Chapter 1: Flirting for Fun and Proft
Chapter 2: Ask him/her out, dorkwad
Chapter 3: The Date: Pre and Post “Dos” and “Don’ts”
Chapter 4: When dating becomes a relationship
Chapter 5: How to back out gracefully

Anyone have any specific requests as chuckles and I begin work on our most ambitious project ever?

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Do as I Say, Not as I Do: The Nerdslut Guide to Dating

Prologue: Why We Are Doing This

As part of my job at the juvenile court, I get to teach kids about dating. I don’t just teach kids about Good Touch, Bad Touch and correct really distorted thinking. Oh no. I talk to them about all sorts of positive social behaviors, including: How to talk to women appropriately (Lil’momma and Bitch, as it happens, do not impress women); how to act on a date; where to go on a date (there is more to life than Old Country Buffet and McDonalds) and how going on a date does not mean that you are entitled to anything.

If I can help my clients with those topics, I believe I can also provide a service to my own demographic: Geeks and Nerds. I want to help my fellow geeks to get a date.

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