Welcome, dear readers, to another installment of Ask A Bastard. Today we have three questions.

The Lovely Shannon ask, “What the hell is WTT:RP? How are you going to balance between two blogs?”

WTT:RP is a group blog about my primary hobby these days: World of Warcraft. I will balance this other blog project by working on OPB first and relying on my co-authors to help ensure one post per weekday. Also, I’m participating in the “build a better blog project.” Given that this project is about blogging, and OPB is my primary blog, all of my blogging assignments will start here.

I also plan on increasing my coffee intake.

Lauren, from WTT:RP AND  Something French Sounding
asked:
Dear Bastard: Where did my motivation go? How can I get it back?
PS, how many vacuumed cats equal one hour of productivity?

Lauren your motivation has fled to the steppes of Mongolia, to wander with the wild ponies and the famed horse riding conquerors of Asia and Eastern Europe. Sadly, your motivation will not comeback until you have reframed your life to one of War and Conquest. This means the following:

• You will need to make Paperclip Bows and Arrows
• You need a fuzzy hat
• You need to get a My Little Pony Action figure

Now, take your to do list and rewrite at is: “Things I will Conquer Today.” Once you have completed ten items, you may refer to yourself as Khan. You must complete these tasks wearing the fuzzy hat. Anyone who impedes your conquest must be eliminated with your bow. When you need to make a get away, throw the pony at them. Also, don’t be afraid to scale walls. If any of your coworkers disagree with your practices, enslave them.

As for the Cat Vacuum, the ultimate in measuring slacker-productivity, I think 1/4 of a cat equals one hour of real productivity. 1/2 of that 1/4 (so 1/8) is finding a good vacuum. The other 1/8 is catching said cat to vacuum. The rest of that first hour (3/4) is making sure the cat is placated. The cat must be constantly placated to ensure vacuuming can continue. Cat Vacuuming is difficult work.

LazyJade, from Rapture and WTT:RP asks:
“What’s the difference between Chicago Marty and Three Lakes Marty.”

Chicago Marty is wired into the world with an iPhone, laptop and a half dozen different applications running in the background. Chicago Marty attempts to juggle all sorts of projects: Personal, professional and hobby related. Chicago Marty struggles to keep his temper in check and shouts too much when he drives. Biologically speaking, Chicago Marty’s blood pressure is about twenty points higher than Three Lakes Marty.

Three Lakes Marty is calmer and more willing to cook than Chicago Marty. Three Lakes Marty hates phones and will only use an iPod for music. Three Lakes Marty also hates Jet Skis and is willing to entertain terrible ideas to get rid of them.

Three Lakes marty is concerned with tradition and will often pray to the Yaqui Gods Of Wisdom for guidance.

Three lakes Marty is also 50% more like to be hung over than Chicago Marty.

(Chicago Marty is frequently jealous of Three Lakes Marty)

That is all for this edition of Ask a Bastard. Ask more questions and I’ll invent more answers.