Ask a Bastard: No Questions Edition


Right. No questions this week. I thought about making some up, but that would involve too much brain power. I answer the questions people, I don’t ask them.


VON wanted to know why Crickets Chirp–

Cricket chirping is the same thing as the best Barry White, Al Green and Otis Redding: Slick mating calls.

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16 thoughts on “Ask a Bastard: No Questions Edition

  1. Both comments are true. However, there was a delay yesterday…I mean, Firefly takes priority over posting. I figured I would give people an extra day to ask questions….but I got nufin.

    I have no defense for being lazy. I did pull off a good deal of stuff nerd wise this weekend….but not everyone wants to know about that.

  2. I have many questions. Unfortunately most of them you cannot answer.



    AG is in the market for a new car. Could we get some suggestions? AG will pay up to $30K for a new car. AG would like to spend less and prefers a good deal on a used car. I also prefer foreign cars, but am happy to discuss all possibilities.

    Next week: What advice do you have for how to get the best deal on a used car?

    Following week: Why should Chuckles be my safety? I think if I am not married by 40, (and he’s not married too) he should be my safety. Do you have concerns with this resignation and if so, what are they?

  3. The difference between a code name and pet name after you break up:

    The anger in your voice and the pet name being something you now think of them, not what you used to call them. i.e. Biggest Cocksucker Mother Fucker Asshole Heart Stealer, etc. versus Pookey

    Or so, I guess.

  4. OOOOOH TheMarty, I know, just know, you are going to let Me (who worked in the automohtive industry for 10 facking years) advise AG on a new car……right? huh? Right? Huh?

  5. Dear Bastard:

    Why? I mean, GOD, WHY?!?

    Also, why does this damn nicotine patch keep peeling off at the edges? This box of patches cost almost $60 (that’s $4.28 per patch, almost precisely what I would spend on smokes), and for that kind of money, you’d think they could make something that would actually stick to your damn arm all day! My cigarettes never fell apart while I was smoking them…

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