I’ve outlined a reflection essay, and I’m well on my way to finishing all my group projects. Right now, I’m working on real-work. Paperwork kinda things. To that end, I am trying hard not to do this:
I get to write a reflection essay for both of my classes this quarter. I’m not feeling reflective. I’m feeling like this:
or like this
Maybe I should just watch Community and reflect later.
Before I started writing this, I had a clear message about what is, and what is not, okay. When I started writing, I realized that this is something that may not be suited to a blog post. That should have stopped me from writing, but, I do think that being okay is something that we, as a culture, really need to discuss more. I should make it clear: I’m not mad at me or anyone else. I am just trying to process what Being Okay really means.
Being okay isn’t easy and let me be perfectly honest: I don’t think it should be. On some level, we should always strive to be better people than we were the day before. Some of us (myself included) take this too far and we beat the hell out of ourselves for things we should have let go of years ago. Other people are too full of themselves/selfish to realize the shouldn’t be okay with who they are… But this isn’t a therapy blog, nor is it really my place to deem who should (and shouldn’t be) okay.
Being okay is a baseline: It is the state of mind from which we can determine if we are doing well or if we need help. If hang ups, thoughts or feelings get in the way of being okay, then its time to do something about them. Take time off, talk to someone, turn off the TV…And if we can’t do that, then its time to talk to a professional.
Being okay is actually a pretty difficult place to be. But it is a worthy place to be.
Thank you for taking the time to meet with me to discuss my questions regarding the Cook County Budget, and for the coffee. I am glad to get confirmation that, at this time, layoffs are not on the table for Juvenile Probation Officers. I truly appreciate that you were willing to take time from your schedule to listen to my concerns. It is heartening to learn that there are commissioners who are willing to meet with their constituents to discuss these important issues.
Thank you, again, for all that you do.
I just wish I could take a picture without looking like a smug bastard.
I don’t know many people who say, “Oh yeah, sure! I have all that free time!” I’m pretty sure that everyone I know is balancing work, family, friends, a project of some kind and their own recharge/slack time. I find it far too easy to fall into a pattern where I judge the quality of busy-ness. Thankfully, thoughts thoughts don’t often get the better of me, but it happens…
Take, for instance, my class mates. They frequently say they are too busy to get their part of an assignment completed. They cite their other class (or classes) and a family obligation of some sort, and I do my best to appear clinically neutral.
What i want to do is engage in a futile pissing contest. I want to scream, “oh! I’m just balancing a full class load, a difficult case load and your bullshit files!” That wouldn’t accomplish anything, let alone make me feel better.
I had Hoped that After years of working with difficult clients and families, I would have more resilience that passive-aggressive comebacks, but lately, that’s all I have. And sadly, I don’t think I’m alone.
Busy and just plain out of resilience.
What is there to do?
I have a few ideas, not the least of which is helping people (and myself) learn to cope. First and foremost, I think this:
It’s okay to be overwhelmed, distant, upset or sad. It’s okay to be mad at a friend, coworker or your country. What matters most is how we act. Most of all, we need to be okay with ourselves.
I think that’s key. And I think I have a post for tomorrow.
I’ll be doing that Nanblomo thing. I didn’t sign up for it, but I’m doing it. Tonight, I’m taking a short cut and posting this: