Here at County, we don’t waste your money. Oh no. We skimp on services and infrastructure to make sure that your government is as incompetent as possible–just like you want it.
1) We make sure to buy pens in bulk. These pens don’t work, of course, because documenting our interventions with clients can be addressed in a much simpler fashion: by sending them to detention.
2) Our Voice Mail system is top notch! Why? Because our phones just don’t work. Second generation touch-tone phones that have poor jacks, shoddy handset cables and no volume control. These phones ensure that your important, immediate call will go right to voice mail.
3) Computers. All Probation officers have access to cutting edge 1999 computers or Thin Clients. Rest assured that if the county gets a grant to equip multi-tasking, specialized service units with laptops, we’ll divert the grant money to make sure our REALLY valuable units get them.
4) Bathrooms. Our restroom facilities are the envy of the third world. They may be filthy, without soap or toilet tissue, but they are connected to the sewer grid. We make sure that no county employee would waste time emptying bowels or bladders for fear of MRSA infections
Cook County: Don’t call us. Seriously, don’t call us. We don’t have a working phone and I don’t want you wasting my minutes.
update: lrn2spelnub
Categories: Cat Vacuuming · Work
Tagged: cook county, government waste, rant
via {we are excited to eat your contributions!} | The Republic of Dogs
Man your ovens, liberal wretches! The war on Christmas ain’t gonna fight itself!
The rules:
* Each contestant may enter up to three items.
* Cookies or bars only!
* No cookies can contain any nuts! (Please be stringent about this, one of the judges has an allergy. Nut allergy = anaphylactic shock.)
The deadline: Submissions must be received by December 19th. Submissions received after December 19th will be eaten and publically mocked.
The Judges:
* Claire
* Shannon
* Von
* Marty
The Prizes: reputed to be fabulous beyond your wildest imaginings! But will probably turn out to be a Target gift card or some half-price crap from Barack Obama’s online gift shop.
If you want to enter, shoot me an email at kwbaker at gmail dot com, and I’ll provide you with the mailing addresses for the judges. Oh, and you only have to mail two packages, since Shannon, Von and Marty are all in once place.
Okay, here’s the deal: if you read this blog, even in passing, you are qualified to enter the Great Bake Off of 2008. This means that you, you, you, you and you and your spouses are morally obligated to participate. the moral obligations include AG and Seth.
The prizes will be fabulous. They will be amazing. They will be cooler than an igloo.
There was a time where bribes were encouraged and accepted. For me, this is no longer the case. If I want to seriously do the whole political office thing, I am going to pull a Nancy Regan and just say no to bribes….
Categories: Chicago · Food and Drink · Nerd Stuff
Tagged: Bake Off, baking, contest, republic of dogs
I’ve got two posts “brewing.” The first is on Obama’s first 100 days, the second is on why I blog (still). The two have a fair amount of overlap. However, my creative process requires more beer. To that end, I share this with you. All of you. Even (especially) the ones I disagree with.
Categories: Cat Vacuuming
Tagged: metablogging, primer, beer pic, beer
1) Weather
Seriously. We hit the high humid extremes and the deep freeze. I can only lie about the change of seasons being “refreshing” for so long.
2) Traffic Management Authority
To solve the pedestrian/commuter issue (ie: no one obeying their signals at intersections) we hire people to stand in busy intersections and direct traffic. About 10% of them do. Some talk on their phones. Others talk to pedestrians. The assholes bust people for “standing.” Honestly, do we need this?
3) Cable/Broadband
The cable/broadband companies have divided neighborhoods into fiefdoms. One Monopoly per area. I’d prefer Comcast–but no, I’m stuck with MDU, RCN or AT&T. So much for “Market Solutions.”
Over all, my dislike list is exceptionally short. I’ll throw up a “Like List” at my next break.
Categories: Cat Vacuuming · Chicago
Tagged: Cat Vacuuming, Chicago, dislike list, Wasting Time
This is Jackson, 1/3 of our magnificient hosts in Tampa. He has more energy than the 4 of us combined.combined
Categories: Travel · iPhone Blogging
Tagged: energy, nablopomo, puppy
November 10, 2008 · 1 Comment
I’m working an eval while in Florida. This blows.
/end rant
Categories: Ramblings
Tagged: crap, nablopomo, whiney, Work
See that? That’s an alligator less than 50 yards from our gracious hosts’ beautiful house. He, or she, explains the low poodle population.
Categories: Travel · iPhone Blogging
Tagged: alligator, florida, nablopomo
433am is far to bloody early in the morning for civillized travel. We’re going, by taxi, to the CTA blue line to O’hare airport. Shannon has a friend in Tampa that is graciously putting us up for the weekend.
For your enjoyment, here is a picture of our feet before Shannon kicked me, “being mean.”
Categories: Travel · iPhone Blogging
Tagged: florida, nablopomo, trip
Shannon told me to write something more light hearted this morning as we discussed blogs. I’m not always good at light hearted (or easy going). However, it is in this vein that I am officially announcing my intention to form an exploratory committee to run for Illinois’ Fifth Congressional District: The one Rahm Emmanuel is vacating to be President Elect Barack Obama’s Chief of Staff.
I’m tapping a few people who can help me in this endeavor.
Congress needs more dedicated liberal geeks. I fit the bill. Why should I bother waiting till I retire? I’m starting today.
Gleason 08!
update 1: I already have a supporter (thanks Bill!) and another member of my Committee. Let’s hear it for Outreach!
Categories: Politics
Tagged: Congress, Il-5th District, nablopomo, Politics, Why Not?
Just when you thought the hope was infectious enough to reach all sorts of people, or individuals would be gracious in defeat, we find this garbage:
From First Draft, via Atlas Shrugs: President Fraud
For my own part I do not recognize Obama as my President, nor will I refer to him as such. He has no legal right to serve in office nor has he won a legal election. Nor do his cronies have any right to serve in any position they are appointed to.
We have a long journey through dark lands ahead of us. Let us hope to soon once again emerge into the light.
This was the least onerous part of the post. What was illegal about this election? Why doesn’t Obama have a “legal right” to serve? Unlike 2000, there were no legal challenges, no hanging chads to parse out. They’re discussing Voter Fraud, a problem as mythological as chupacabra. At least the goat-sucker leaves behind evidence.
I’m not sure exactly how one responds to these allegations. They are calling for war:
The battle against them must be twofold, first to limit the damage they can do while in power, and secondly to plan and prepare to retake Congress and then the White House in a coherent and orderly manner without the chaos and backbiting that has characterized the last year of this campaign. It will be all too easy to fall into the blame game and to let it devour us, too much of the conservative movement and the anti-jihad blogsphere is already fractured. The goal now must be to heal those fractures, to create unity around a single purpose, to liberate America again.
And while they speak of unity, they are addressing party unity, not the problems facing all of us. The attitudes behind these statements scare the hell out of me. It doesn’t matter if McCain calls for Unity. It does not matter if Obama opens his addresses with Christian Prayer, they have bought into the lies of the Right. In short, these individuals believe that the culture war is still worth fighting. We don’t need a war, we need discussion.
I would like to think that if Obama lost, I would be willing to swallow my pride and give McCain a chance to do his job and govern the country. While I haven’t had to swallow my pride, I have not been an asshole in victory. I don’t expect the “Culture Commando’s” to let up, listen to reason or work from a rational position. Their shrill cries will be an attempt to drown out the progress we are working to for all Americans. I, for one, am not willing to let it happen.
I’m not going to take their bent. I’m not going call their patriotism into question. I’m not going to insult their intelligence. I will question their judgment, their tactics, their beliefs and the attitudes behind their beliefs. If, on occasion, I slip up and use unkind words, I apologize. We have worked too hard and waited far too long for a CHANCE at fulfilling the promise that is America to let people who are so consumed with cynicism and hatred take it away from us.
There will not be a Second Republican Revolution. There will not be a return to Clinton Era Bickering. I refuse to allow the factually inaccurate rhetoric of the WingNut Right to dominate my political lexicon. I want a country where debate can occur without a devolution into name calling. I’m willing to fight for that cause.
There will be a fight for our values–one that we liberal’s didn’t start–and I’ll be damn sure I’ll be one of the individuals who will end it.
Categories: Politics · Smear Watch
Tagged: Defending Progressive Values, nablopomo, Right Wing, Wingnut
