I haven’t cleaned it up, but I doubt I’m going to have the chance to before the day is over. It’s something I wrote for my WoW people. I’m just fulfilling my obligations to put one bit of “real creative work” once a week….
“There is no fucking princess this far fucking north!”
Charles Andor dressed in old, ratty furs that belonged to a man twice his size. His armor was discarded mail, but his prized possession was a heavy double bladed axe in the Vargul style. His companions, while similarly dressed carried nothing so spectacular. This axe allowed him to boss around the other two men, left overs from a failed campaign, even against their better judgment.
“Ballacks.” Charles said, “there sure as hell is. I found her fucking hole in the ground.”
“Charles, how much gobo weed are you on these days?” Trevor Templeton was rail thin. He fancied himself an archer, but he only managed to wound at a distance. He always had to finish up close. For an archer, he never complained about the up close work. “Ain’t no fuckin’ royalty this far. Only military. Old posts, watchin’ for scourge or Leylines.”
“An’ the big wigs moved back to their next big fight.” Elias Trulio, the third of Charlie’s crew, leaned on his staff. “We’re up here scavenging. Anyone left here is scavenging. I’m telling you, we could find better work in Dalaran…”
“Fuck Dalaran!” Charles screamed. “No good work there these days, but all the fucking Tor have rules, regulations and restrictions. Not worth our time Elias. No. You’ve all heard about it. There are places up here that the big wigs forgot about. Caches. Hidey holes. All sorts of wonderful things we can find and sell. Now then.” Charles stared at Trevor, “Speaking of Gobos, I found one who had a place up here.”
“Gobo? Really? Gobo’s always scavenge the best…” Trevor said, interrupting Charles. Charles responded with a slap that sent Trevor spinning to the ground. “Shut your fuckin’ mouth Trevor. I’ve got the lead on the goods. I make the call!”
“Right, Right.” Trevor said.
“Now then. This way, to the coast.”
Charles walked east from New Westfall. Elias stepped over Trevor, following him step by step.
They walked for the better part of two days till the reached their destination. Azeroth’s moon gave them just enough light to prevent them from stumbling over their feet. Trevor carried their torches. “Princess’ Palace,” as Charles called it, “Was built by a gobo for his treasure horde. His prized possession, some sort of dwarven artifact is inside. Ain’t too many Gobo’s south of K3. This one, a darker fellow, was singing and making a ruckus before I lost him in the woods. But I found this place…and I’d bet my eye teeth this is it.”
The men emerged from the woods to the edge of the Grizzly Hills. Off in the distance they could see the trollish ruins. To the north ran the Frenzyheart River. To the south the could see more of the cliffs and hills that gave this part of Northrend its reputation. “Nice view.” Said Elias, “but where’s the fucking palace?”
“You’re standing on it,” Charles said. He pointed to the the field below. “That’s a fallow field. They’re getting ready to plant. That rock? It looks like a rock because its dark. Watch.” He shouldered his rusted musket and fired it at the rock. IT shattered like glass. “See? Glass. We’re standing on that gobo’s palace.”
“Uther’s balls Charlie!” Trevor said, “What if he’s home.”
“Then he’s scared to death. Elias, see if you remember anything formal in the way of fire. Failing that, hit him with your stick.”
Elias muttered an incantation and a rune appeared over his head. “Proceed Charles. I will protect us.”
The three men carefully made their way down the cliff said, finding a well worn road that led to a stout oak door. Trevor finessed the lock in a few minutes, while Elias watched. Charles leaned on his axe and dreamed of what he’d find inside. He was not disappointed. With the door open, Charles walked down, into the hillside itself, into a well stocked store room. “See! Gold keeps this place running! and he’s got food to ast a lifetime,” he whispered. It was colder here than it was outside, as this is where the Goblin kept his food. There were slabs of meat and wheels of cheese from all over Northrend. Connected to the store room was a kitchen, complete with two ovens, a large counter top and more cookware than either man had ever seen.
Another oak door led to a long hallway that opened into a beautiful fromal dining room. In the middle of the room was a long dining table, made from some exotic hard wood from Sholazar. The table was on an exquisite rug, full of geometric patterns and warm colors. The floor wasn’t the same cold stone floor. More wood flooring, probably an hardwood from Elwynn. They could hear the northern winds blowing through the shattered ceiling. Charles began walking straight through, but Trevor grabbed his arm.
“Charlie, we should go. This isn’t…”
Charlie swung his axe at Trevor, stopping inches from his neck, “Another word and I don’t stop my swing.”
Trevor nodded,careful not to scrape his adam’s apple on the axe’s blade. Elias, smiling smugly, clucked in satisfaction.
Charlie turned to his left, and continued through a short hallway two more rooms. The door to his right opened to to a privy. On the left was a study, with leather chairs and a smokeless hearth. “For later.” Charlie said as he shut the door. He lead them back, through the ruined dining room, to the doors opposite the hallway to the library. At the end of the hall, the again hit two doors. Elias opened the door nearest him to another privy, while across from hall they opened to a bedroom, complete with a four post Featherbed. Tapestries showing scenes from Shattrath City covered the walls.
Elias let out a low whistle. “Prince Gobbo moved from there? He must have enough gold to fund the next war.”
“Much less when we’re through my friend. Much less.” They ransacked the room, taking the decorative items–figurines made of semi-precious gems–but nothing else. The returned to the dining hall, and walked down the last hallway. The end of this hallway expanded into a large, beautifully decorated room. IT was akin to the Gilded Rose of Stormwind, with similar woodwork on the molding, tables and chars. It was heated with two small, but not smokeless, hearths. Neither of the men paid attention to the room, or the armor and weapons hanging on the walls. Their attention was drawn to the center of the room, where a red headed child, a toddler really, was sitting next to the biggest dog any of them had ever seen. It was as big as any orc’s worg, with brown and white fur and giant paws. She sat in the middle of the room, licking up toddler’s spilt milk.
The toddler, a cute girl with red hair and blue grey eyes, was obviously crying. The giant dog had put one paw out over her, as if to comfort her. The toddler was petting the dog’s coat.
“What the fuck is that?” screeched trevor. Charles answered by swinging his Axe. Elias yelled for him to stop. The giant dog barked at the yell, and the toddler started crying.
“OI! No swearin’ when me princess is cryin’ yeh feckin’ morons!” Bricu said. He was standing flush with the wall, behind and to the right of Charles. Slung over his back was the two handed sword he had salvaged from Medivh’s tower years before. Elias jumped when Bricu shouted, but Charles froze in midswing, his eyes glazed. Trevor rolled forward, underneath the swing, and as far away from the dog and the child as possible. He drew an arrow and pointed it at Bricu.
“Och. Better me than her.” Bricu said, “But yer in way too bloody deep now squire.” He called upon the light again, and Elias was stopped while starting to speak.
“Put the bow down an’ yeh’ll walk away from this.” Bricu said, staring at Trevor. The archer was steady, but his breathing was rapid and shallow. His fear was palpable. For the third time that night, Bricu called up on the light. A soft white glow encircled his daughter. “Emer! Bedtime!” He yelled. The giant dog picked shifted her weight and started to get up. Trevor fired at her. The arrow slammed into her flank. Emer looked back at trevor, snarling. The toddler screamed. So did Bricu.
“EMER BED TIME NOW!” Hobbling though she was, the giant dog scooped up the toddler by the back of her shirt and trotted off down the hallway awayt from Trevor.
Trevor dropped the bow. He screamed an apology, but it was too late. Bricu rushed at him, calling upon the light to guide his blade. He sliced into Trevor at the collar bone, not so neatly cutting into him. Trevor fell to the ground, sobbing in pain. Charles recovered by then, as did elias. Charles charged while Elias summoned purple spheres that hurled themselves at Bricu. Charles’ attack pushed Bricu backwards, and his axe splintered the wood floor. The spheres slammed into Bricu, but Elias saw thet were drawn into a ring he wore on his right hand.
“Me ceilin’, me dog, swearin’ in front o’me daughter an’ now me floors?” Bricu said as Charles tried to pry the axe from the floor. “When I’m done with yeh, I’m gonna have yer ghosts clean me fuckin’ house for the rest o’eternity.” Bricu engaged Charles, stepping on the haft of his axe, and cutting through the mail with one wild stroke. He kept moving towards Elias. Elias prepared another spell, but Bricu called upon the light again. His blade cut through Elias like a hot knife through butter. Charles, still standing, yanked at the axe one more time. Bricu spun around another time, ending Charles life with flashy, if not fluid, sword play.
Trevor, barely alive, was sobbing. He muttered incomprehensible things. Bricu kneeled next to him. He layed his hands on him and called upon the light to heal his wounds.
“Get out. Run away wee man ‘fore I change my mind.” Trevor did not bother to stand. He scrambled on all fours, eventually running on both feet, as he fled the house. He ran as fast as he could up the stairs and out into the Hills.
He stumbled head first into the goblin.
“Sweet light, save me! Save me! The red head and his beat are going to kill me!”
“Och, what be this here then, eh? ” the Goblin clucked with good humor.
Wot yeh doin’ in me woods, near me house?”
“I shot the dog. Near the princess… the red head let me run..oh gods, save me! Save Me!”
The goblin stopped chuckling. “Yeh shot at the princess then?”
“I aimed for the dog!”
“Yeh shot at Emer?”
“OH Sweet light, yes, help me! Please, before he changes his mind!” Trevor screamed.
“She’s not just his princess.” Trevor watched as the goblin started to grow. He was getting taller, wings and a tail poked from his back. “Or Threnn’s.” His neck extended. “She’s every Rider’s little girl.” His face flattened. “Even my parents said hullo to her.” Trevor stoped shrieking as the goblin’s transformation drew to a close. “And Emer’s such a sweet thing.” The dragon buffeted his wings. “It was my fault for being careless. At least I get to take it out on you.” The dragon reached one large claw out and grabbed Trevor by the waist. As Obaden
soared into the night sky, Trevor screamed to be let go.
“When we’re out by the bitter sea, that’s the plan. Our princess enjoys this flight. You should too–just worry about your landing.”