My downstairs neighbor, in addition to having super-human hearing, has in her possession the worst temperament of any city dweller I have had the misfortune of knowing. Considering I know murders, rapists and high ranking gang bangers, I believe this should carry a certain amount of weight.
She has complained to me personally, about the noise, on one occasion. She asked if the floors were insulated because, “she could hear EVERYTHING.” I told her that they passed inspection. Twice. She has called to complain for me:
Walking on my floor too loudly.
Listening to my iPod on the balcony.
“too much bass”–this one I can’t argue with.
Watching the BBC Office at 2 am.
I have not had a party in my place in three years, because of her temperament. I used to have fantastic little parties. Now I have a fantastic bill with my condo association. I guess that is acceptable, since she is a fantastic example of cranky-middle-aged-under-sexed Cobags. I don’t talk to her, except to say hello, and I keep trying to keep the noise down to mouse levels.
Last night, she cornered me in the elevator. I had my laundry with me, she had a box full of candy stolen from the mouths of screaming children. She proceeded to tell me she was at her Wit’s End with the noise. When i politely suggested that we shouldn’t talk about these things, since we don’t get along, she threatened to take me to the board.
The board–imagine a council of old cranky rich folk. That’s who she’s going to take me to. That’s awesome. I propose that I get to drag her self-important ass to a room full of my peers–or maybe What Not To Wear–and have her judged by my standards. I believe that I would win my case in front of 30-something, broke, liberals who have lived in the city for most of their adult life.
I think my neighbor should apply for a position with the FBI or NSA. She’s got super-human hearing, a strict, rules minded disposition and she has no qualms about getting up in someone’s face at 11:30 at night. Her hatred of all things good and nice (and me) makes her the perfect tool for oppression.
I could totally godwin this rant, but I won’t.