Ask a Bastard: Post Vacation Edition


AG asks: “Why do some people have innie belly buttons and some have outties?”

Now I seem to remember from my college days that the reason for the inner/outer Belly button has to do with the way the umbilical cord is tied off and cut. A quick google search reveals that i am dead wrong. I guess it is random.

However, I believe we can start a new urban legend as to why belly buttons are innies or outies. I say we announce that Outies, being rarer, are actually a sign from God. They are the marked 144,000 who will ascend into heaven when the Rapture comes.

Being an Innie, I hope they enjoy their boring outie Heaven.

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9 thoughts on “Ask a Bastard: Post Vacation Edition

  1. Von wrote (before the WP hiccup that deleted the post):
    Honey – it’s Wednesday. Not Monday. Don’t go shaking things up because you were on vacation. No more answers til Monday.

  2. I had been informed that innie vs. outie was a consequence of the length of umbilicus remaining after post birth incision and the amount of sub cutaneous tissue beneath the navel. This is to say, the longer the attached umbilicus remnant that is vascularized and therefore living, the less able it is to invert into a subcutaneous cavity. Conversely, if the tissue beneath the navel leaves no room for introversion due to pregnancy, obesity, or herniation, the more likely an outie. I think I explained that right… Hi Ho! Science…awaaaaay!

  3. Damn Seth, that reads like the synopsis of a journal in the AMA or the Lancet!

    Innies totally rule. We’re just letting the outties think they’re getting to Belly Button Heaven!

  4. The rich irony is, of course, once all the outies get to heaven, they find out what makes it so heavenly. They have innies once they die.

  5. Seth and UC would get along famous. Let’s get UC to rule in on this one. AG has never been satisified with the answer she has received on this. Instead, she thinks it is the 8th medical marvel of the world…

  6. Dear Bastard,
    Why would anyone ask you a question if all you are doing to find the answer is a “quick google search”?

  7. Question for Monday 4/14: Why is it so hard to meet new people in one’s day to day exsistance? Does the use of cell phones have an effect on chatting up strangers?

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